Race to Grace

Right now there are approximately as many pounds between my current and ideal weight as there are miles in my goal race.  Despite my very best intentions, left to my own devices (and this, it should be noted, is not speculative: hard data has been collected) I will NOT:

Wake up tomorrow morning, determined that this will be the day that I will stick to my eating plan (note: this is not an actual plan, it is more along the lines of “thou shall not scarf down the crusts of my children’s peanut butter and honey sandwiches they deign not to finish; do not consume chocolate chips by the handful while contemplating what my actual snack shall be,  and do not, under any circumstances, open that bag of tortilla chips for it shall be eaten in entirety before the husband comes home from work. Amen.”) and fuel my body properly for the training that I will require from it.

OR

Run the workout I have planned (particularly, though not exclusively, those workouts that include such words as: tempo, hill repeats and strong finish) and not deviate do to such crippling circumstances as “just not feeling it.”

Instead I will eat whatever is convenient (see aforementioned pb & honey discarded crusts) and run whatever feels comfortable (3-4 miles at an easy pace taking as many “stretch” breaks as needed or desired) and never accomplish anything.  I will spend loads of time reading other people’s running blogs and will probably, maybe, definitely order new workout clothes online believing that this shirt, these shorts, those shoes will actually make me fitter, faster.  If wishes were horses and all that.  Or, in my case, if wishes were online shopping orders…

Rather than continue apace (see what I did there?), doing what I would normally do (read: doing nothing, accomplishing nothing), I decided that a little public accountability was in order and lo, this blog was born.  I hope that this space will help me to focus in on some big goals and to actually take the steps towards really achieving them, rather than sitting around, always taking the easy way out, not finishing what I start.  Working hard, not wishing hard.

It will take a lot of determination, actual running vs. reading about running, and a great deal of grace.  Grace for me.  Grace towards my body, not the same as it once was after carrying and birthing my two sweet boys.  Grace towards my very spirit, my true self.  The self that tends towards extremism and does not allow for doing things part way, preferring to quit instead of doing things even slightly less than perfectly.  Grace for those around me.  Grace towards my children whose very existence requires more of me than I have to give.  I’m thankful for that because it requires me to rely on true Grace and the reminder that I’m not meant to be able to do it on my own.  Grace towards the process when I want to quit because it’s hard and I’m not getting where I want to be fast enough (in all possible senses of the word).  Grace towards mistakes, missteps and upsets.  Grace upon grace upon grace.

So it starts today, my race to grace.